I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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