So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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