1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
