Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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