If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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