I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
