dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
