Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
be right there i have to get my cape
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
