her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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