who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
