Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize