this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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