Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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