Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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