I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
