Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
