Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize