Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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