Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
