Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
