he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the day after is always just damage control
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
