My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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