i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
