I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
