You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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