girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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