So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
