Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
