We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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