I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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