If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
