Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am available for nakedness
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
