I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
