im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize