i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
