I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
