You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
