I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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