Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
