You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
