I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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