Sry I called you an 8
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
