It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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