He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
