I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize