All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
