she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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