I need to stop coming to work sober
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
