Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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