I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
