I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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