Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
