I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
