ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
