Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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