She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
