im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
