i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
