We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
