how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
