Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
