I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
