Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Pants are for mortals
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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