That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
