What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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