and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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