Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
