Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize