Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's always time for handjobs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i've created a new STD.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
