If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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