What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
