Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
