What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just gargled with NyQuil
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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