Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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