yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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