So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
