Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
