i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
